If you are here, it is surely not by chance. Good. You want to know what an Alpha male really is? I’ll try to bring you a little bit of my feeling on the matter. But don’t expect to read what you see everywhere:
Let’s first take a look at the vocabulary and the basic definition.
The alpha male would be the guy at the head of the pack, like the wolf that is displayed everywhere when we talk about Alpha. Because some scientists would have seen that in a pack, there is always a leader among the wolves.
And this is the truth. You take 10 wolves and put them in a zoo to observe them, there will always be a leader. A dominant one.
I’ll even tell you a good one, there will even be a dominant wolf. That’s right. The most able to reproduce and the strongest.
That’s a good thing. Still, the popular belief comes from his scientific studies and everyone thinks that being an alpha male, a dominant, means imposing yourself by force… playing it tough.
You want the truth?
It’s perfectly true in one case: They take you and 15 other guys and lock you in an armored gym. You can’t get out. We’ll put 4 or 5 girls in your lap.
There, inevitably, it’s going to be a fight and the strongest one will be able to win.
That’s what you have to do to see an alpha male as we define him everywhere.
I hope that you have understood something important… that you have noticed?
These studies on wolves have only been done in captivity. Either in zoos or in small reserves.
In the wild, the wolf is monogamous and leaves the pack to start a family (just like us).
The principle of domination in this case? All he has left is his wolf and her cubs.
The wolf, in fact, takes care of his family. He digs the den that will house his offspring and his wolf. He won’t even sleep in it. His job is to protect his family and keep watch.
He may be a formidable enemy to man, but he is above all a protective animal, kind and full of love for his little family. He also participates as much as the mother in the education of the young. We can’t always say the same thing in our home.
On the other hand, indeed, if the family must cross a pack of solitary with a male who dominates a little more, he will know how to show his fangs. For the wolf, sacrificing his life to save his relatives is not an option but a duty.
This is what more recent research has shown. Richard McIntyre wrote a book about it after spending 20 years observing wolves in Yellowstone.
Except in cases of danger, he rarely saw aggression between gray wolves.
Now that it’s put into a bit of a context that (I don’t know about you) seems a bit more sympathetic and realistic, you’ll be able to start off on a good footing.
No need to bash the first person who looks at you the wrong way… because that’s actually a sign of great weakness. If you know guys who do nothing else all weekend, you know what I mean.
So what is it about being an alpha male that attracts all the women?
Well to put it simply, it used to be all about that. And if you talk about dominance or alpha male with the opposite sex, you might well get a direct hit or have to blame it on general mockery.
To be honest, I find the term a bit inappropriate and lame. There is no dominance to be had in a relationship. If there has to be, it’s because you’ve fallen for the wrong person. That’s the only reason. There is no other reason.
On the other hand, today we have cases where becoming “alpha” would be useful.
The man remains a man. The woman, a woman.
As a shocking anecdote, I once spoke with a separated woman who earned a very good living. She had custody of her 2 children, but had to find a way to hide what she earned.
Why? Because her ex was claiming child support.
It is for this type of behavior that a term “shocking” (to attract attention more than anything else) is used to describe the man.
My client, for whom this woman worked, was as shocked as I was. For him, “it’s the man who goes out with his club” to bring back food as he says. He’s been past retirement age for quite some time. This is the generation before. But what he says is perfectly normal.
If women are equal to men (and this is a logical thing) what guy can afford to deprive his children by claiming, for his pear, a pension?
So I give you for me some principles that (for me) make me say that I have in front of me a Man:
First of all, I can’t not quote Christophe Triganov’s blog and his article on the 5 rules of Alpha Man
With this article, you already have my thoughts on the matter.
But I’ll add a few things that will allow you to see whether or not you have the qualities that a woman could look for in a man. Not all of them, but a majority.
- You are independent. This is probably the most essential one. If you still need mom/dad to help you file your taxes, it’s time to get your act together. You’re not going to make anyone happy by hanging a kid around her ankles as a ball and chain. You know how to take time for yourself, and yourself alone. By leaving her her own time. We all have a secret garden and desires to do things alone. Work should not be your only escape.
- You have a protective instinct just like the wolf. I would tend to believe that in my case, it is overdosed. It’s a reflex to watch what’s going on around me when I’m not out alone. It doesn’t matter who is with me, man or woman. It’s been natural for years. I anticipate and warn. Probably from being raised mostly by a mother, with a younger brother. I was the oldest boy (at 15, I’m not going to say I was a man ^^).
- You know how to make quick decisions without going back on them. A glitch in the house, your professional future, whatever. You don’t let anyone decide for you. You make your own decisions and take the consequences. You will never blame anyone for a failure. On the other hand, you will take great pride in your successes. It can be benign. A slamming radiator. You react by shutting off the boiler, turning off the water, and finding a way to fix it as soon as possible. Others will just call their landlord unnecessarily to yell. And if it’s their house, it’s the insurance company that will hear from them long before a plumber is notified. Professionally, business owners and freelancers have made risky decisions at some point in their careers. They cut the cord with the workforce and had to prove themselves. Today, they are perhaps part of the 17% of French people who earn the most and they owe it to themselves because they made THEIR decision. And not someone else’s.
- You are not afraid to tinker. This is a very personal opinion and I will understand if someone argues the opposite. But in a lifetime, a man also wants to find a wife, make children and have his house. The wolf does not call a company to dig his den. The greatest pride I’ve seen in many men over the years is that they’ve done the work on their house. Of having spent hours and hours to make the family comfortable. For some, it’s the story of a lifetime and for me it’s a solid link in a couple. When you buy new, it’s all nice, no need to get your hands dirty. You just pay the credit. And then, strangely enough, we get bored. We don’t really know what to do as a couple. Then we go out with the buddies while madam finds occupations in her corner. It is soon the vacations that we spend each one on its side, or the office which suddenly becomes our second house (even the first). And we know how it ends… a nice and not unpleasant to look at co-worker and we check the divorce box. Personal opinion… that I check too often. So ask yourself one of these days: “I have a stable job, a beautiful wife, adorable children, and a beautiful house. Was this my life mission?” . I don’t know about you. It would depress me. But that’s what we’re sold from a young age. Learn to tinker, to touch everything and make projects for 2 in the long term. A house folded in 2 years by 2 or 3 tradesmen, it’s not really exciting except to be able to show a certain social status. I don’t discredit this desire. I myself love mansions, old hotels to be restored and even some castles. It’s not to take pictures of them every day but to show a certain lifestyle… it’s human in a world (or at least a country) where status counts a lot. In short. DIY won’t hurt you, even if you don’t know anything about it yet. On the other hand, not knowing how to fix a faucet or classic everyday stuff on a car or in the house, it’s not going to protect you from a possible replacement 😉
- You have ambition. In his article, Christophe talks about a life mission. I totally agree with him. Without a life mission in mind, you will never feel like you are achieving anything. Ambition makes you wake up every morning with a zest for life, and not with shaky feet. And that’s the pride of the woman who’s with you. Just as it should be your pride to see her succeed in her personal life as a woman, and professionally. The only guys who want a woman at home raising children today are condemning themselves in advance to one day meet the one who will eat them up from the inside. This was the woman’s wish before she wanted to take care of her house and raise the children. Things have changed since then. They also have ambition… and that’s good because you too can motivate each other.
- You know how to take care of yourself and your loved ones. Growing old does not scare you. Dying is a logical step in the life of a human being. It is not something that scares you. You have accepted it for a long time. On the other hand, it doesn’t stop you from postponing this moment as far as possible by doing sports, having a healthy diet and taking care of your wardrobe. You know that maybe one day you’ll have to be there for a last breath. And you will need to have the courage to accompany someone who is suffering. Even with tears, a man won’t back down. But when the going gets tough, he’ll take care of himself and his loved ones as best he can. His loved ones will be much more important than he is.
Here are some very personal notions. They are mine. Maybe not yours. But if you were looking for some answers, I may have provided some.
I am open to criticism. This article is far from being finished. I’ll probably add more here and there.
In the meantime, stop bothering to come up with this Alpha that is being sold everywhere. Be yourself, maybe with some adjustments and live your life. Stand up straight, the world is yours. It is up to you to enjoy it fully.